One pound.....that's all.....

Yep.  That's reality now.  We just have to take it one pound at a time.  And right now in my head even THAT is not an easy task.   But I know it's where I have to be.

The last week has been difficult.  I went from the elation of the competition being over to a place of awkwardness and fear.  I went from eating very little processed food and fast food to almost every meal being junk.   And let me tell you - my body has rebelled.  It really DOESN'T want me to feed it crap, no matter HOW MUCH my head says it does.  I have had headaches and stomach aches and been horribly bloated.  The scary part of this is if I continue to eat the junk, my body will get used to it again and I won't feel this bad.   I can easily force my body to become immune to the unhealthy feelings and make me forget how bad I've felt over the last few days.   And for me (unlike Steph, whose conscience is much more pure than mine) I have no guilty emotional feelings about any of it.  My head is PERFECTLY fine with eating whatever.  In fact, it really, really wants to.  After all, I have nobody to answer to now.  Nobody to keep track of what the scale says.  Which, by the way, has changed quite dramatically over the past 6 days.  I'm blaming that partly on the bloating, partly on the fact that I'm using a different scale - but mostly because I don't want to have to face the fact that what I eat really, really matters.

This is an area where Steph and I differ greatly.  To her, food is fuel.  She eats because she's hungry.  Unfortunately that actually works AGAINST her at times because of her blood sugar issues.  It's important for all of us to keep our blood sugar stable, and in a perfect world everybody would eat a 150-200 calorie snack every 3 hours that consists of a mixture of carbs, protein and fat.  But it's doubly important for somebody with a diabetic background and type 1 diabetes rampant in the family to keep a close eye on that blood sugar.   So most of the time I actually have to TELL Steph to eat something. (Seriously, who does that?  I can guarantee you nobody has ever had to tell ME to eat!  LOL)

My point is, where Steph views food as fuel, I view food as fun.  And usually that fun food doesn't consist of oranges and celery and the like. So now that we both feel like crap I am having a much harder time letting go of my "fun" than she is.   I'm sure you've heard this before - and depending on where you are on the spectrum you either totally understand it or you don't get it at all - but it's very comparable to an alcoholic trying to come off a binge and dry up.   There are so many psychological and physiological factors that come in to play that are much more complicated than just changing the menu.

Sooooooo......here we go again. I will take up my sword and fight these demons again.  I have to keep in mind that there's a place I need to get to - a place where mornings aren't depressing when I'm looking in the closet, a place where photographs don't make me cringe and where stomach aches aren't a daily visitor.  And if I have to slay a few (more) dragons to get there, then I have to start swinging.  Because now I know I CAN - even if it's just one pound at a time.

The Day After

Anybody who has ever trained for a big event (think about any sports championship), planned something for many months (weddings, births, etc.), practiced for a performance (such as performing in a big theater production) probably understands the "day after letdown".  After all, your focus for so many weeks or months has surrounded that one event and suddenly, after just a few minutes sometimes, it has all ended. There is no more "thing" to think about, practice for, work toward......life just goes back to normal, whatever that may be.

Odd as it may sound, I am currently experiencing the "Biggest Loser letdown".  For 8 weeks every moment has been focused on how many calories will this cost me, how many calories do I have left for the day, how much more do I need to work out today to balance it out, what if I haven't done enough, what if I let my team down. And suddenly, after just a couple of seconds on the scale yesterday, all of that is gone.  We've spent 8 weeks counting down how many days of the competition were left.  Spent the last 48 hours counting down how many HOURS of the competition we had left. Talked about everything we planned on doing afterwards - everything we want to eat now that has been "forbidden".  And now that it's all over, I don't know what to do.  It's almost as though I feel I have no purpose, no goal, nothing "to do".

I know that eventually I will find my normal. And I'm not going to lie -I'm very happy to be rid of the stress of the competition.  Now I just need to focus on being healthy again.  But I gotta tell ya, today just feels weird.

Earlier this week I posted the blog with my wondering thoughts of how life would be post-Biggest Loser Challenge.  Today I received this poster as my answer.  Discipline.  It's the ONLY way to succeed at anything.  Discipline as a word has such a negative vibe.  It's almost as though "discipline" and "punishment" go hand in hand, and some days it feels that way!!  But we need to separate the two words and take the negative connotation out of discipline.  It doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing.   And frankly, discipline = accomplishment and accomplishment SHOULD feel good!

Some of us right now are starting a new phase in life, learning how "normal" day to day habits will be without a competition looming over us. Some of us are just hoping to continue the healthy habits we've created over the past 8 weeks.  And some of us are probably still thinking about "starting" a healthy living plan.  But no matter where you are on that spectrum, the common denominator is discipline.  That doesn't mean we have to be "perfect" all of the time, every day.  That just means that whatever we do, we need to make it a conscious decision.  I'm choosing today to eat a piece of birthday cake, and it's ok.  I'm also choosing today to eat a salad for lunch instead of the cheeseburger, and that's ok too.

If any of you Kingman or Cheney BL contestants watch the Biggest Loser on NBC, I wonder if you saw the irony of  last night's program in connection with our contest ending this week.   Last night all of the contestants went to singles instead of being on a team.  In essence, that's where we are at this week, too.  It's time to focus our healthy lifestyle on ourselves and do it because WE deserve it - not just because you don't want to disappoint your teammate or you fear the embarrassment of standing on a scale and having somebody else weigh you.   Our mindsets now need to shift from "diet" or "contest" to "living the life I want to live."  And the healthy life we all DESERVE.

Keep that positive, healthy, discipline in your life, my friends.  We will continue this blog as long as we know someone is out there sharing in the journey.

PEACE, LOVE, HAPPINESS AND HEALTH  :-)

"Last Weigh In"

As Steph mentioned in her post below, this week is the last weigh in for KNRC's Biggest Loser Competition.   And wouldn't you know just about the time I log on here to whine about "what am I going to do now" and "what if I gain the weight back" Steph has already posted a blog just SHUTTING ME DOWN.   I hate it when she does that - she's always right!!!! (Well, not ALWAYS, but I never tell her that. :-)  


We've had 8 weeks of strict food and stringent exercising.  It has definitely been a competition level - a level that I cannot maintain for life.   My brain and my body are already trying to slip into the mindset of being "finished" even though technically there are still two days to go. I'm excited to be able to eat the things I "couldn't" eat for the last 8 weeks.  I have a whole list of restaurants I want to go to. Some that I NEVER would've gone to before, but because they were off limits, NOW I want to go to them for some reason!  I already have a date with homemade cinnamon rolls on Thursday, have planned a fiesta fling for Friday night, and am going to make a toast to the McKennon heritage with beer on St. Patty's day.    And I'm ok with all of that, because life will happen and I refuse to stop living.  But what then?


That's the big question weighing on my mind right now.  I KNOW this journey isn't finished.  It can never be finished if I don't want to end up right back here where I'm at.  So really, the difficult part of this journey has just begun.  Because now, instead of having the fear of my teammates and the scale staring me in the face to "make" me do the right thing, I just simply have to respect myself enough to do it.  And honestly, that is not something that comes easy to me, and I know some of you can relate to that feeling.    As Steph said in her post below, this blog will hopefully be a big part of  the post competition success.  We will need you even more than ever now!  I hope you're willing to continue this journey with us.  I hope you will share this with your friends, and they with their friends, because we are going to need your feedback and your support in order to push through.  And we would like to do the same for you.  


Please leave us a message and give us some more ideas of what things you'd like to read here.   What YOU would like to get from this blog.  Thank you for being there to help keep us accountable. And as my quotation marks in the title of this blog indicate, there will never TRULY be a LAST weigh in because our journey will never end.  


PEACE, LOVE, HAPPINESS AND HEALTH!!!

Encourage others

This quote sums up what this blog site does for us.
We hit very low spots on our journey to "better living" (though that entire sentence looks like an oxymoron). But we know we can come on here, share our thoughts with YOU...encourage YOU to push, to try, to  be more than you were just the moment before. And that encourages us.

There is absolutely NOTHING easy about taking the high road every time you go out to eat. There is NOTHING fun about the stress we feel before we step on the scale. There is NOTHING worse than that feeling when the scale doesn't move or even goes up a pound or two (except maybe getting a sticker in your foot when you are walking through the yard...that trumps it all). You don't know if you should throw up or cry, but suddenly you want to do both at the same time. Those are the moments we need to reach out to others and have the same done for us.

If you want this Biggest Loser competition to be just that -- a competition, then that is all that it will be. At the end (this week), there will be "winners" and there will be "losers" and there will be a 1st place, a 2nd place, a 15th place, etc. But if you want this Biggest Loser competition to be MORE than a silly contest, THAT is up to you. What you do after this week and every week from here on out is totally up to you. You can either use the Biggest Loser contest as a stepping stone to something awesome, or just some thing you did with friends to lose a few pounds. The choice is yours. It really doesn't matter what happens at our final weigh-in on Wednesday...what matters is what you do on Thursday and Friday and Saturday...wait, Saturday is St. Patrick's Day, so let's forget I mentioned Saturday...and Sunday and Monday and all the days after that. Was this just a fad for you or is this something you can keep doing? That's what you need to decide now!

Even if it just means drinking one more glass of water than usual, eating a piece of fruit instead of a brownie, going on that 5 minute walk, just take a step forward.  Don't let procrastination have control of one more day, one more week, one more month, one more year, one more decade - whatever it may be for you.  Believe me, that one more day turns into one more decade in the blink of an eye.   YOU are worth it.  Take control.

Staying Motivated

Staying motivated - clearly one of the hardest things to do. Really, it ranks right up there with sitting through graduation ceremonies, balancing a checkbook, and finding a flashlight in the middle of the night. Maybe harder than all of those, actually.

If you are keeping track of the Kingman-Norwich Biggest Loser Competition you are well aware that we are on our last week of the event. It is at this point in the past that our team has felt the "fade" coming on and though we always said "let's finish strong" we never really did. But, this go around feels different. I think we are all a bit more focused and driven. Though, I'd be lying if I said that it has come easy.

Which leads me to this blog post. Staying motivated --- how do you do it? What are the tricks you play on your mind to keep your tummy from taking it over?

Some people try the ole "picture on the fridge" trick. You know, you post a picture of your ideal body on the fridge so anytime you go to open it, you see that picture and it is supposed to remind you of your goals and then IDEALLY you shut the door and walk away. Or maybe you post a picture of what you DON'T want to look like for the same impact.

I tried the "picture on the fridge trick" and here is the photo I used.

This photo was taken probably....ohhhhh....I'd say in 2001-ish. I had lost a few pounds and was feeling pretty good about myself. Was I bigger? Definitely. Was I unhealthy? Oh totally. But did I still love the body I was in? Yeah. Was I too scared and grossed out to actually touch a live fish? Uh-huh. That is beside the point. I've never been skinny or thin or anything, so the body I had was the body I was used to and I didn't have those icky negative emotions attached to it. I had also spent my whole life focusing on "loving the inside" instead of worrying about the outside, for the very same reason. So, now when I have this picture up on my fridge, I don't see a "Fat Steph" that I don't want to be like. Because I see the same person in that photo as I am now and that Steph in the photo and I had a great time! We laughed, we were active, we rocked bandanas...so, this way of finding motivation obviously hasn't worked for me. Apparently denial is way stronger than the power of photography.

Speaking of photos....

Until a judge recently ruled it unconstitutional, the tobacco industry was being pushed by the government to put graphic photos on their products to show the dangers of smoking and tobacco on health. Mouth cancer, blackened lungs, that sort of thing. Would we find motivation to eat better if this was idea was implemented to food? I think someone is working on that....though I'm sure a judge will find it unconstitutional as well.

But what if?

What if this photo were on the side of a frozen pizza box?

(That's human fat....pretty gross, right?)

Would that be motivation enough to choose a salad instead?

Do scare tactics like this really work? 

Is this an ENJOYABLE way to find a healthy lifestyle? No way. I'm not a fan of being scared into doing something that you will hopefully like better than you did the choice before. It attaches an "icky" feeling to it. 

Rather I like the idea of posting POSITIVE things all around you for motivation.

Like these:

Share with us some of YOU motivational tricks!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I needed to read this today.  It's SOOO hard when you go day after day doing the right thing and not seeing the results you feel like you should be seeing.   I told Steph this morning that if I don't see results on the scale this week then I'm just going to quit trying.  We all go through these moments. And it's OK to have those feelings - it's natural to become discouraged.  Luckily my weight loss partner cares enough to tell me I can whine as much as I want, but she's not going to let me quit.  We all need somebody like that.  Somebody who understands and will let you vent and get things off your chest and maybe even, dare I say, throw a fit?!  Because sometimes our minds and our emotions need that release.    The important thing is that you DON'T quit.  You keep pushing through and you remember that if you're doing good things for your body, then you're doing just fine and it will all even out in the end.

If you don't have that person in your life, let Steph and I be there for you.  Come to this blog site and read what's been posted.  Send us a message and let us be your listening ear.   Print this poster out and put it all around your house, in your gym bag, on your fridge - and know that your effort IS worth it!!

Yep, that REALLY DOES mean YOU! 

The Road is Long

The road to a weight loss victory is long and I'm really not sure if we ever really complete it. But, success = happiness. And once you gain that, victory can be considered yours!

Today I needed a morale boost. Though I know I've made healthy changes and have felt better...last week the scale didn't give me the big numbers I felt I was "owed". Fighting a funk to keep going, I called my physician's office to get a record of the weights they've recorded in my medical file over the past 12 years. I've decided to share them...more for me, so I can visually see that every day is improving.

5/17/2000 - 291
11/28/01 - 289
2/24/03 - 305 (this was likely the same appointment I was diagnosed as a diabetic)
4/13/03 - 305
7/6/04 - 289
8/17/05 - 285
1/16/06 - 286
12/26/07 - 249
10/31/08 - 262.25
8/13/09 - 258

Where are we at today (3/2/12): 217. Aiming to lose a BIG 13 pounds before the end of the Rec's Biggest Loser Contest. It's a lofty goal, and a bit of a random number, but looks lucky to me so we're going to shoot for it!

In this battle, we have to be able to look back at where we've been to gain better perspective of where we are going. There is a big difference between glancing in the rear view mirror and living in the past. One big difference is that today you are willing to let go of the harmful things you didn't think you could live without in your past. And that could be one of the most empowering lessons you learn on this journey. Those objects in your mirror, they no longer have a grip on you...you are beating them!

Take a moment today to take a look in your rear view mirror and then enjoy the journey ahead of you!